Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. Tommy Armour, 40. Choose I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Nothing it should have ducked. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? "Damn, my shaft is all bent." Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. All of them. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Toggle Navigation Menu . Achieve more with each and every round you play. Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Their expectation, however, is very different. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. ~ George Bernard Shaw. You shot an eight. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. If you break 80, watch your business.". I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. He was puttering around. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. 5. Enjoy! Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. Play golf. Golf?! As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Are you a water hazard? I`m really worried about myself. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Wodehouse If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. 20. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? 5. The lowest score wins. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. Such is the game. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Photo: Shutterstock. I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. Id cry too if I played golf like you. Your email address will not be published. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. And now it will be poisoned for you. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Fore-get Me Nots. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. You are signed up for our newsletter! "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". The other 20. He couldnt stop puttzing around! Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. "Golf is like a love affair. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. Its to move on. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? 2. 7. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. 21. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. After 18 holes I can barely walk. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." 3. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. Happy Gilmore. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf nay I my child, and eke, oh! Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. Their fore-fathers! My caddy says I should use a hard 7. Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. Here, have a carrot! I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. but I can show you what is! Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. Golf is a lot like life. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. Golf is the easiest game in the world. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. They have a hard drive. Your second mental problem is concentration. What are a golfers favorite flowers? A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? 6. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. They have been there where we are standing now. Two, be your own person. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. But you cant just forget not to think. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? Look at the size of his putter. Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? Any birdie will do. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. It bends a little to the left. Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? What do you call a lion playing golf? He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. If you break 80, watch your business. Watch their eyes. How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? See you in the Email! I give the ball some sweet talk. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. Andy. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. 1. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." 8. Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! Nuts! Get in the hole! Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. Hit the ball. In case he got a hole in one! Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. I stepped on a rake. So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. The threesome were curious what was going on. Please read here for more information. If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. Noah. 8. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. I know what to look for. Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. - Mickey Mantle. Sunday Service. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. Achieve more with each and every round you play.Go Premium to et full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? 4. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. Wash your balls. putt." One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. Where is the best place to go on vacation? The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. Wanna be my caddy? "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. Two rounds a day are plenty. One minute youre bleeding. Your email address will not be published. Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7?
